Green Tea
by California Gruesome
Summary: "Mom?" I asked my mom, looking down at my tea. She turned around. "Yes, Olivia?" I was still starring at the cup, disbelief creeping up my eyes. "You said this is green tea? But why isn't it green?"


A/N: So, I love Ollie Jackson, and I also love Christy. And when love comes together like this, what happens? I get an idea. I've been getting those a lot lately, and I neeeed to pour it out. So, pour I will, and here comes the first pour. I asked myself this question awhile back, and if you're wondering, the characters in this are about 12-13. So. Yes. Ollie's , I hope you guys like it, blah blah blah onto the one-shot!

* * *

"Olivia, dear, the pots hot" I heard my mom caution me. I pulled my hand back, because I was just about to touch the pink kettle. It was fascinating, in it's own way. The way the pot was shaped, it had a stout body and a thin top and bottom. It was pale pink, some people call it salmon, and it had pretty red roses carved onto the handle. I loved that pot. My mom told me my dad gave her that pot on their third date. It was cute, and I adored it.

"What are you making, mother?" I asked. I knew she was making tea, but what kind? Bush? Red? Herbal? Black? There were a lot, still some undiscovered. Tea is a mother daughter thing here, so whenever I heard the kettle whistling in the morning, I'd automatically feel all happy. It was kinda annoying, the rush of adrenaline I'd get when I felt the heat seeping off the tea cups, and the sting I enjoyed when I'd drink really, really hot tea. It was such a rush, putting just the right amount of milk to make it creamy, but making sure it didn't drown out the tea bag itself. And the sugar! Just enough sugar could make you either mellow, or intensely hyper.

I needed to get out of the house. I'm ranting about making tea, for Christs' sake.

"Green Tea, Ollie. It's really good for you, and I hope you'll enjoy it" My mom answered, as she gracefully tipped the tea pot over so that the boiled water fell into the pooh-bear tea cup. I grinned. That was my favorite tea cup, since I was seven, of course. She dropped the green tea leaves into the cup and mixed them with a spoon, adding milk and sugar. I stared at the cup in sheer concentration. I kept staring and staring, and I wondered what was wrong? Oh, I know.

Why on earth wasn't my tea green?

I mean, it's called green tea for a reason. It's green! So why wasn't mine green? Was there something wrong with the leaves my mom used? No, that couldn't be it. My mom picked them out herself, and she's very picky. Was there to much milk? No, white and green would just be a lighter green, not completely block out green all together. Not enough sugar? No, that doesn't affect the color. So what was it?

Should I ask my mom? Maybe.

"Mom? Why isn't my tea green?" I watched her turn around to look at me, gently placing the teaspoon down. She grinned. "And where did you buy it?"

"Ollie, your tea isn't green because-" She stopped and looked up, behind me. I turned around to see what she was looking at. I didn't see anything. I turned back around to see her smiling. That creeped me out a little.

"Ollie, your tea isn't green because...Green tea isn't supposed to be green" My jaw dropped. Green tea? NOT GREEN? Blasphemy! Then why else would it be called green tea? I swear, some people.

"Mom. Where'd you buy this tea?" I asked again, totally not buying the whole ''it's not supposed to be green'' thing. She shrugged.

"This really short brown-haired kid dressed in a samarai costume outside of Publix. I asked him from green tea, and he gave it to me. Simple simple." A brown haired kid? Okay. But, still, why in the world wasn't my tea green? I needed to know. ASAP.

"Sure mom, sure. Tell me why my tea isn't green." I crossed my arms over my chest and scrunched up my nose at her laughter. What was so funny? Green tea not being green is as serious as George Bush ruining the economy. If my shirt was green, if my thumb was green, if my whole life was green, why. wasn't. my. tea?

Oh my goodness. Global Warming?

No, tea needs heat to be tea. Global warming has nothing to do with it. But, I needed to find out why Green Tea was not green. It's a conspiracy.

So, I made a plan to start my investigation tomorrow. The library would be first, then I would ask my other friends. Maybe one of them would know why.

* * *

_Tuesday, 2:37 pm_

"Good gosh" I muttered, slamming the large brown library book back down on the table. It didn't tell me why it wasn't green, just how it was served. I don't care how it's served or made, I wanna know why it's not green! Hasn't anyone had this question before? You'd think I wouldn't be the first! It's green. Tea. Why isn't it green?

I'm getting too frustrated. Maybe the library wasn't the best place to look for stuff about tea. I don't know why it was bothering me so much, it just was. I got up and left the library and started walking towards home, when I received a text message from Christy.

_Whatcha doin, Ollie?_

I twisted my mouth. Uh, Searching for tea? Yeah. I'll just say I'm searching. For tea. Good grief I'm so lame

_Trying to figure out why green tea isn't green, when it's supposed to be an earthly tea or something._

No longer had I sent the text before I received one again.

_...I have an idea. Meet me at Tuesdays, okay?_

_...Uh, okay._

So now I had to go to Tuesdays. I don't know what for, but, I guess it was for a reason. I bent the corner and found Tuesdays' red and cream cottage mansion thingy, and rang the doorbell. Rixon answered and told me to wait in the first living room. Yes, the first living room. Tuesday has three, it's a really big house.

I heard arguing in the background and I became curious. Who was arguing?

"NO, DUDE, IT'S NOT GREEN CAUSE IT'S NOT SEXY ENOUGH!" I heard Addie protest, obviously throwing something across the room. I got up and peeked around the corner.

"Dude, that's L-A-M-E" Christy facepalmed, looking at Addie. "It's not green because the world is obviously brown."

"Oh, what the hell?" Tuesday asked, kicking her feet up on a green footstool that was near to her. Her eyes were lazy, as if she'd been up all night but refused to sleep. "It's not green because it's being a rebel. I totally support it, bro."

"You're all drunk off your fucking rockers" Kenny stated, chuckling slightly.

"Well shit, you weren't complaining last night" Tuesday shrugged, leaning back into the chair again. Kenny grinned.

"Why protest when you were giving me a blow-"

"AH AH BLAH BLAH BLAH UNICORNS AND SUNSHINE SHOOTING OUT OF HITLERS ASS BLAH BLAH BLAHHHH" Addie covered her ears, yelling out random statements. I took this time to come inside and take a seat next to Addie.

"Really, you guys. a debate?" I crossed my legs and I felt my shoulders sag. Everything in South Park is taken so seriously, I don't know why I even bother sometimes.

Bother away, bother away.

"Green Tea isn't green, because the world is blue. And when you mix blue with green, they cancel each other out." Tuesday said, rubbing her chin. I scoffed.

"If we're basing it off the color of the world, it would, still, be green." I replied. Tuesday snorted

"If we're basing it off anything, it would be blue."

"But alas, blue is the ocean. Leaves come from trees, and trees, mostly, are green."

"Key word being mostly. Some leaves are orange, red and brown. Ever thought of that, Ollie?"

"Indeed, which is why my tea turned brown, instead of green."

"But, no, green tea isn't green because trees are brown?" Tuesday asked, sticking her toungue out.

I fumed. Whatever, green tea just isn't green. I had to accept it. But, why would you call it green tea? That's stupid. I don't like green tea anymore. If it's not going to be green, Don't say it's green. End. Of.

"So...Uh.." Christy started, then she dropped her hands. "Did you guys see the new Terrance and Phillip movie trailer?"

"OH MY FUCKING GOD. THAT WAS THE SHIT." Kenny yelled suddenly, remembering watching the trailer. "I almost jizzed myself! I ALMOST JIZZED!"

"You guys, did you see the LAZERS? Farts of Doom is gonna be SO AWESOME." Christy replied, engaging in a Terrance and Phillip conversation with Kenny.

Damn it.

"Okay, so, green tea isn't green because it's not supposed to be. Okay?" I flopped on the couch and sighed. I shouldn't care anymore, all it is is tea.

"Sorry, Ollie-pop, I guess that's just how it is." Christy said.

Suddenly everything went silent, at least to me. I started thinking. Where the hell did green tea originate? I think it was somewhere in Asia. Oh well. I heard the door open, I kinda didn't bother looking up to see who it was, it was obvious who came through the door. Dainty footsteps, as if afraid to break the floor or something. Duh, the person who came in right then was-

"H-Hey, fellas!"

Butters.

"Hi Butters." Everyone waved for two seconds, then went back to their conversations. Butters sat on the floor next to me. He pouted.

"I-I just came over here b-because Eric did something naughty. And it wasn't very nice!" Everyones head snapped up, and they drew their attention to Butters. Butters almost never snitched on Cartman, because, well, he was too afraid. But he had balls sometimes, and when Cartman was seriously out of order, Butters would tell someone.

So Cartman was seriously out of order. Oh. My. Goodness.

"Butters? What did Cartman do now?" Christy asked, sitting on the floor with her chin in her hands, staring Butters down as if he were holding the latest NeverShoutNever album. I was curious, too.

"He...gave a lady nasty tea." Butters frowned. Gave a lady nasty t-

GOOD GRIEF!

"Butters, did he sell a blonde haired woman green tea? This morning?" I asked, gently grabbing Butters by the shoulders. He blinked.

"Yeah, he said he wanted to 'Teach that hippie bitch a lesson.' So, he kinda...de-greened her tea. Cause, he said h-her daughter was a t-tree huggin' whore, and she needed to be put in her p-place! Garsh darn it, he said that, she was killin' stuffed a-animals and ramming it up her pussy for pleasure! PLEASURE HE SAID!"

I could smack Cartman right now. And by the looks of everyone else's faces, they felt the same way.

The lint-eater de-greened my tea? So, it was supposed to be green! That tea-ruiner! Tuesday was on her phone, again, talking rapidly in Italian. Angry Italian, if put into detail. When she was done, she threw her phone across the room and humphed, much like a four year old.

"...Tues?" Addie asked, glancing in her direction.

"Don't worry about it, Ollie. Things will be taken care of. Addie."

"My bitch?"

"We need condoms. Lots of Condoms. And whipped cream. Butters, you come with Addie and me. And call up the Jew, I need his stupid spoled whore video playset. Yes, he still has one. Why do I know that? Duh. Best friend. Why would I know that? I like making videos of myself. Shut the fuck up, don't be judgin' me." Tuesday stood up and grabbed Addie's and Butters' hands, about to leave. She glanced at Kenny.

"Yes?" She asked, staring at him. He blinked.

"I totally want that video, baby."

"Ffft, sure."

"AWESOME."

She was about to leave again, when I called after her.

"Tues! What are you gonna do?"

"TO BE CONTIINNUUUEEEEDDD!" She shouted, as she bolted out the door.

* * *

"Oh my god oh my god oh my god!" Tuesday was bobbing up and down in her chair. We were at school, in Social Studies class. Mr Garrison was talking on the phone to some person, ranting about how Lindsay Lohan was a slut from the very beginning. Christy was chewing gum, writing something. Addie was also chewing gum, but she was drawing penises on her social studies book.

"Tues, why so excited?" Christy glanced up at her, wondering the same thing that's been on my mind all day. She's been happy all morning, Not the typical Tuesday happy but, crazy as fuck Joker happy. It was awesomley creepy.

"They're about to make an announcement for me and then one for the whole 8th grade. I paid the principal to do it, I promise you'll understand why I'm so happy later. Right, Addie?" Addie started snikering, then tried to keep a straight face. What did they know?

"Mr. Garrison?" The intercom interrupted. Everyone suddenly turned silent. Mr Garrison sighed.

"Go ahead!"

"Can you send Meredith-"

"BITCH IT'S TUESDAY."

"..Can you send Tuesday to the Principal's office please?" The intercom smiled, then got up and disappeared behind the wooden brown door. I sighed.

"Attention all 8th grade teachers! Please line up your students in an orderly fashion and head to the gymnasium. I repeat, all 8th grade teachers, line up your students!" Everyone took a quick glance at each other, then Mr. Garrison, and then we all raced outside. I'm guessing this was the announcement Tuesday was talking about. I lined up behind Christy, Addie was behind me, Kenny was behind Addie, Stan behind Kenny, Kyle, Cartman, Butters blah blah blah. Basically everyone was here, and we were walking down the tiled floors of South Park Middle School quickly as hell. Our sneakers sqeaked the polished floors, and Bebe and Wendy's heels clanged against it. All you could hear was the bustling and excitement pouring from the 8th graders as we settled in our seats. What was going to happen? Why was there a huge screen with a projector, and why was Tuesday standing next to it grining like a moron? These questions, boy do I sure hope they'd be answered soon. The lights dimmed, and everyone slowly hushed up.

"Hey guys!" Tuesday yelled into the mike, waving to the eight grade.

"WOOOOOO WASSUP TUESDAY?" Everyone replied.

"Well, the other day, my friend Ollie Jackson over here was on an investigation about green t-" Tuesday started, but was interrupted.

"SHOW YOUR BOOBS! SHOW YOUR BOOBS! SHOW YOUR BOOBS!" Nathan shouted, cupping his hands over his mouth to make his voice louder. Kenny smacked him.

"My woman. My boobs. Hop off, Morejon." Kenny stated, raising a fist, slowly.

"That's not what she said last night-" Nathan sneered, crossing his arms over his chest, earning a glare from Christy, Addie and I.

"OH HELL NO-"

"SHUT UP!" Addie exclaimed, huffing. "She's getting to the good part!"

"...Anyways," Tues continued, "The tea investigation. So she put this freaking tea bag of tea in hot water, and her dayumn tea didn't turn green. So she was like, what the fuck? Hell no, my tea needs tah be green! So she talked to Christy, you know, that sexy brunette you all have dreams about- SHUT UP, NATHAN!- Yeah, her, and she had this idea to have a debate at my house. We did, when my baby Butters over here barged up in my house and he's like 'Uh, Fat ass did something bad. He sold Ollie's mom some fake ass stupid bitch heffa crap bootleg ghetto tea.' So Addie and I were like, oh hell naw, dis fat ass gonna go DOWN. So, I have brought you all here, to witness the bringing down of that little asshole, Eric Cartman." Tuesday finished, gesturing to Cartman in the crowd. He was three people away from me to the left.

"What the hell did you do, foreign whore? You ain't got NOTHIN on me, NOTHING!" Eric cried, raising his fists in the air and yelling at Tuesday. She snickered.

"Uh, Cartman, shut the hell up. At least I'm not gay." Tuesday shrugged, turning around and picking up the projector button. "Addie, c'mere a sec."

Addie got up, gracefully shaking her hips and tapping Cartman on the head with a slap. She bounded down the stairs in a sexual gallop, her hair waving as she ran towards the stage to meet Tuesday. She took the projector button, sat down in criss-cross-apple-sauce formation, and started eating a granola bar. You gotta love Addie man. Tuesday gestured to her to flip the switch. We saw a picture of Cartman, in a black wig and pink lingerie, with a microphone.

"And baby, you're a firework. C'mon let you're colors burst, like a teenage dream? The way you turn me on, I can't sleep? Let's run away and don't ever come back from California? Where there are California girls, Cartman? That shit's gay." She shruggedm as everyone burst into tears laughing. Cartman twitched. I couldn't help myself either, I was dying.

"Oh no, no no, Katy Perry isn't the only that's going to hide tonight. Apparently-" Addie flipped the switch "Rihanna's gonna wanna die later on, too"

We all tumbled over in laughter once again, as the picture reveal Cartman, singing to his stuffed animals. And of course, everyone was laughing at Butters' failed attempt to be Drake, what with his opened white collared shirt and his big silver chain, Butters sucked ass at rapping, but he was hilarious with the little, ghetto hand gestures he was making.

"Not everybody, knows how to work my body, knows how to make me want it, but boy you stay up on itttt, OH NA NA, WHAT'S MY NAME? IT'S CARTMAN, CAUSE HE IS AM LAME." Addie grabbed the mike from Tuesday, singing her weird remixed version the Rihanna song. Even the teachers were laughing this time. I glanced at Cartman, who' mouth had thinned into a line. Even if I noticed it was slightly shaking..

"Anyways, one last thing before we leave, okay?" Tuesday retrieved the microphone and placed it between her pink-fingerless-gloved-hands. "I had no idea Cartman was this gay. Like God. Addie, baby, play the video clip." Addie pressed play, once again, and everyone gasped.

Cartman was out cold, on his spaceship and aliens bed, with white sticky crap all over his face, arms, legs, bed, everywhere. There were condom wrappers and condoms themselves along the floor and pillows of Cartman's room. He was naked, but covered by his bedsheets. The camera used to video tap the scene was moved slowly to the left, where we found Butters in Cartmans t-shirt, leaning against the wall and looking directly at the camera lens. He did a gesture with his hands, and everyone started chuckling, lightly, but the laughter picked up when Butters said his line.

"H-Hey you, young fellas out there. You may know me, you may not. T-that's your problem. T-this fella over h-here just got what what'd in the butt. By me. A-and it was so good, he got all tuckered out and wooosssy. So n-now he's a sleep. Because h-he thought he could do whatever he wanted. Cause you know, whatever, he did what he wanted! And look where it got him" Butters shook his head, as the camera shifted again to close up on Eric's face. "Skeet. e-verywhere. If you wanna end up like _this,_ fuck around with Ollie. I dare you...Oh, are we done? Good. Geez, fellas, I don't think that was very nice. And T-Tuesday, what's skeet? WHAT? WE'RE STILL FILMING! OH NOES!"

The camera cut off and everyone was suddenly quiet. They all look at Cartman, who was bginning to stand up.

"YOU WILL PAY FOR THIS, FOREIGN WHORE! I WILL MAKE YOU EAT YOUR PARENTS!" With that, he ran off, probably running to his mother, Again.

"Dumb ass, my parents have too many security guards for that to ever happen." Tuesday shrugged as the lights turned back on. Everyone was howling with laughter, but it was time to get to class. Christy, Stan, Kyle, Kenny and I waited for Addie and Tuesday to catch up.

"That. Was. Amazing!" Kyle hugged Tuesday, giving her a noogie. She squealed. "That was genius! Why didn't I think of that?"

"You did, you idiot." Stan replied, shoving his hands down his pockets. "When Cartman was pretending to be Britanny Spears, remember?"

"Oh. Oh yeah."

"All I know was, that was a little too mean. I mean, what he did was wrong, but, Gee wiz." Christy mused, pouting a bit. I had to agree with her. Cartman was a very unpleasant person, but I don't think that was called for. Sure it was amsuing, but now he was humiliated in front of everyone, maybe for life.

"Lighten up, Christy" Kenny slugged her, and she winced. "This'll blow over by like, next week. No one really cares for more than that long, unless they're lame. But all I have to say is, nice work, baby," He slung his arm over Tuesday and kissed her forehead. She blushed. Kyle gagged, Stan laughed, and Christy cooed.

"Whatever, he was mean to Ollie. He needed to be taught a lesson." I hugged her real quick, as a thank you. "Besides, Kenny's right. It'll blow over."

I thanked Tuesday a million times for what she did for me. A little mean, even for Cartman, but it was done. And I found out that in Japan their tea is green. Wow. Really?

And you know how Tuesday and Kenny said it'll blow over?

It didn't.

* * *

A/N: WOOOO. Been writing this since freaking last week! My god, I'm so slow! Anyways, here you go, miss Christy. Ollie was OOC like a mother fucker, but, This really was for amusement. Yeah, Cartman may be scarred for life, but, it's Cartman. He's fine, I think. Anyways so yeah, I have a ton of other shit to do now, since it's like 1 am. Yes. So. I'm leaving now. Bai!


End file.
